“Ron” spoke to me by phone a month ago and said that I was the first male to whom he’d ever spoken about his sexual abuse. “I need to talk to a man—to someone who can understand.”

We hung up after more than forty minutes and I reviewed many things Ron said. Here’s one part that touched me the most: “The term self-loathing fits me. I’ve never felt I was as good as other men or that I could measure up to what a man was supposed to be.”

He went on to tell me that for years, whenever he walked into a sports stadium, Home Depot or  any other place where men were present, he kept his head down and couldn’t make eye contact. “I was sure they looked at me like I was weak and worthless.”

He admitted he didn’t know any of them, but in his mind, “they were judging me.” Ron has two children and he said, “I cowered behind them or put my arms on their shoulders. I felt that if men saw me with kids, they’d think I was also a real man and not an effeminate weakling.”

The next day, I emailed Gary, also a survivor, and asked if he would contact Ron. I was the first male to whom Gary had spoken to about his abuse—and that was four years ago. He’s made remarkable strides in his healing. Gary responded to Ron immediately.

In an email yesterday, Ron wrote, “Having people like you and Gary to relate to is helping me. I’m beginning to understand why I felt the way I did. For the past week, whenever I encounter a group of men, I stand tall and look at them. I know I am a man. I don’t have to cower, feel ashamed, or think of myself as a lesser man than they are. You and Gary are helping me to become a stronger person.”

To some it might seem as if nothing profound had taken place. A man decided to break the silence of his abuse by talking with other men. He’s finally able to believe that others have struggled with the same issues because of the molestation in his childhood. He’s heard from Gary and me and believes there’s also hope for him. For those of us who’ve gone through such experiences, it is profound and life changing.

Ron is learning to walk with dignity because two other survivors shared their stories. Their experiences validated his own. That’s why Gary and I and many others tell our stories. We reach out to help men like Ron.

Each time we lift up someone, we grow and deaden the pain of our own childhood. All of us win by helping each other.

–By Cecil Murphey.

Cecil Murphey is the author of When a Man You Love Was Abused. His follow-up book, Not Quite Healed will be released in February 2013. He is also the author or co-author of more than 100 books including The New York Times’ best-seller 90 Minutes in Heaven.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

JHF and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative here.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.