“I didn’t know it was a rape. I don’t know what rape looks like.”

This is the comment from a 16-year-old high school boy who witnessed the sexual assault of a female student in Steubenville, Ohio when asked why he didn’t do something to stop it. This comment has not left my mind. It’s very discouraging. After all the “progress” that has been made in working to change the social norms that support violence and the attitudes that allow rape and other sexual violence to persist, clearly we are not there yet! What is wrong with this picture that in a suburban high school in Ohio, not only was a young girl repeatedly raped and assaulted, then videotaped but many students participated and/or witnessed the assault, did nothing, laughed and sent the images virally around the world.

Boys being boys? Bystanders in denial? Witnesses caught like deer in the headlights? Unconscious accomplices? Immaturity combined with entitlement? Of course it reminds me of the Jerry Sandusky case at Penn State where the assistant coach saw “something” in the locker room between Sandusky and a youth and although disturbed by what he saw, he wasn’t sure and he didn’t know what to do and so did nothing to intervene.

So here we are in April, which is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and also Child Abuse Prevention Month. Yesterday, Wednesday, April 24^th was the 14^th annual Denim Day USA, is a sexual violence prevention education campaign dedicated to supporting survivors of all ages, genders, races, ethnicities and nationalities, and preventing rape. Each year we promote wearing jeans with a purpose and invite youth to participate in educational opportunities to debunk the myths that continue to persist. Clearly, there is so much more education to do. We need more bystander education that aims to engage everyone to become aware and alert and to care about this issue for their own well-being and for the well-being of others. There is something to say for “doing the right thing” kind of education. Are there enough courses in schools teaching how important it is to do the right thing and if you are not sure — to find out?

Organizations like Peace Over Violence and 1in6 work on the issue of sexual abuse everyday, not just on Denim Day. Every month is sexual abuse awareness and prevention month for the network of an agencies that provides intervention services, prevention and policy toward the vision of a culture that doesn’t ignore, allow, excuse or condone sexual violence in any form.

Our efforts must persist but we also have to rethink, reframe and perhaps reinvent how we do what we do to have greater impact. We have to find more ways to engage individuals—especially young people, communities, families and all of our institutions in this effort. We have a long way to go. I personally refuse to give up or to abandon this vision. It’s time to organize and engage with one another so that our very culture says NO MORE to sexual violence, domestic abuse and child abuse.

I believe we can get there. Will you believe too?

- By Patti Giggans

Patti Giggans is the Executive Director of Peace Over Violence. Peace Over Violence is dedicated to building healthy relationships, families and communities free from sexual, domestic and interpersonal violence. She is also the Vice-President of the Board of Directors for 1in6.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.

Approximately 1 in 4 women and nearly 1 in 7 men in the United States have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetimes. On average, 3 women die each day in domestic violence-related deaths in our country. Over 15 million children witness domestic violence each year.

Yet domestic violence remains a largely hidden epidemic. Because we all have a role to play in preventing violence—and because talking about it is one of the first steps to ending it—the Verizon Foundation and CBS Sportscaster James Brown are helping to get the conversation going during a special #YourVoiceCounts Twitter Chat before the Super Bowl on Thursday, January 31 from 4:00 – 5:00 pm ET.

The Verizon Foundation’s Your Voice Counts campaign is all about equipping bystanders—especially men—with tools to start talking about domestic violence and raising awareness in their communities.

During this special one-hour event the Verizon Foundation (@VerizonGiving), James Brown (@JBSportscaster) Joyful Heart (@TheJHF) and Mariska will talk to fans about what they can do to help end domestic violence and promote healthy role modeling and masculinity. In light of recent tragedies in the NFL community, such as the one out of Kansas City, people are talking about domestic violence, and it’s that conversion we hope to elevate and continue.

We’ll also be joined by Your Voice Counts partners and leading advocates from A CALL TO MEN (@LiveRespect) and NO MORE (@NOMOREorg), who will share insight and resources on this critical topic. The chat will give participants an opportunity to talk with NFL insiders, celebrities and advocates about domestic violence and sports, the role men, fathers and coaches and mentors play in prevention and more.

Joining is simple!

Just log on to Twitter (www.twitter.com) on January 31 at 4:00 pm ET. Search for the hashtag #YourVoiceCounts to follow the conversation and add the hashtag to your own tweets to join in.

Don’t miss out on the chance to get involved!

@VerizonGiving and our partners will be re-tweeting your answers and comments. For more information on speaking up against domestic violence, please visit the Verizon Foundation website www.verizonfoundation.org/yourvoicecounts).

This Twitter chat is designed as an open forum for participants to come together, ask questions and share information about how to speak up against domestic violence. For your own safety, we ask that you not disclose any personal or identifying information during our Twitter chat. To read more about protecting your personal information and safety on Twitter, we invite you to visit: support.twitter.com/articles/18368-safety-private-information#.

If you’re in immediate danger or you believe someone else is, please call 911. If you suspect domestic violence (or any other crime) is happening, don’t think of it as a “private matter” or simply “none of your business.” Use your voice to connect someone to life-saving resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233). Verizon Wireless customers can simply dial #HOPE to be connected to the Hotline

Our friends at the Verizon Foundation recently launched a new campaign called Your Voice Counts. The campaign is helping to break the silence around the issue of domestic violence by equipping bystanders—especially men—with tools to begin speaking up to prevent and end domestic violence.

In an effort to keep the conversation going and to highlight the great work and resources of organizations working to end domestic violence, we’d like to invite you and your network to join the “Your Voice Counts Live Twitter Chat” tomorrow, Thursday, November 15, from 3:00 – 3:30 pm ET.

Hosted by the Verizon Foundation (@VerizonGiving), and Your Voice Counts partners including Joyful Heart (@TheJHF), our Founder and President, Mariska Hargitay (@Mariska), A CALL TO MEN (@LiveRespect), CBS Sportscaster James Brown (@JBSportscaster) and NO MORE (@NOMOREorg), this chat will give participants an opportunity to discuss how and when they can use their voices to end domestic violence, ask questions about prevention and get information.

Joining is simple

Just log on to Twitter (www.twitter.com) on November 15 at 3:00 pm ET. Search for the hashtag #YourVoiceCounts to follow the conversation and add the hashtag to your own tweets to join in the conversation.

Getting involved

@VerizonGiving and the partners will re-tweet your answers and comments. For more information on speaking up against domestic violence, please visit the Verizon Foundation website.

And of course, please follow us on Facebook and Twitter for more updates.

This Twitter chat is designed as an open forum for participants to come together, ask questions and share information about how to speak up against domestic violence. To read about protecting your personal information and safety on Twitter, we invite you to visit: support.twitter.com/articles/18368-safety-private-information#.

If you suspect domestic violence (or any other crime) is happening, don’t think of it as a “private matter” or simply “none of your business.” Use your voice to connect someone to life-saving resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233). Verizon Wireless customers can simply dial #HOPE to be connected to the Hotline. If you’re in immediate danger or you believe someone else is, please call 911. For more ways to use your voice, visit verizonfoundation.org/yourvoicecounts.

Throughout history, we have watched visionaries change the world. Eli Whitney. Henry Ford. Steve Jobs. Not only did these people isolate a need, but they also found the right way to communicate how their innovation would benefit the world.

In 1928, an inventor named R.A. Duncan had visions of a television set that would broadcast text-based content. This “tele-newspaper” would deliver articles, laid out like a newspaper, with each channel providing content from a different news source. Mr. Duncan’s idea, in many ways, is what we now know as the Internet.

But, the idea was never supported on a consumer level, not because it wasn’t brilliant, but because he wasn’t able to communicate the need to the general public.

Several years ago, as I began to find my footing with the help of therapy for years of sexual abuse as a child, I began to identify a need. The need wasn’t innovative. In fact, I’d say nearly everyone who understands the trauma related to childhood sexual abuse has identified this need. The need is for more people to start talking about childhood sexual abuse and in my case, I wanted to innovate how people talked about the sexual abuse of boys.

So, like any good social media user, I took to Twitter. I’d change the world, one tweet at a time.

Before long, I noticed something a bit sad. After getting a few hundred Twitter followers, and receiving many re-tweets, my Twitter success leveled out. Time after time, I shared my soul to the Twitterverse, and time after time, the same people read and shared my Tweet, with very few new followers. Come on, this is social media, right?!

What I’ve realized since is that this issue takes much, much more than a few tweets, and a book, and a logo, and a Facebook page. Society as a whole isn’t ready to innovate. So, what we need to do is to nudge them along in a way that doesn’t feel like innovation. We must meet them on their turf and make it easy.  We need to successfully communicate the need.

This fall, 1in6.org, an organization who’s mission is to help men who had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood recover, is trying to do just that. In a campaign called “1BlueString,” the organization will be asking guitar players, at all levels, to remove their top guitar string, and replace it with a free blue guitar string, to symbolize the 1in6 men who have this trauma in their past.

The campaign is nothing more than that. It’s simple, almost exceedingly simple, but the hope is that this will give a large group of people a clear way to innovate without stepping too far out into the spotlight, and then, maybe others will follow.

While the campaign doesn’t invent a cotton gin, or automobile, or smartphone, it will help people voice their support in a tangential, less awkward and less cumbersome way. Now, it’s up to 1in6, and its partners and supporters, to make sure the campaign continues to communicate the need to the general public, if nothing else, for Mr. Duncan’s ill-fated and brilliant “tele-newspaper.”

–By Chris Carlton

Chris Carlton is the Development Director at 1in6. He is the author of Nice To Meet Me, a book that chronicles his journey through therapy for sexual abuse in an effort to help fellow abuse survivors and those who love them better understand the process of recovery.  Chris is a former U.S. Navy intelligence officer and advertising executive living in Richmond, Virginia.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.

As you know, April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. And this year, Joyful Heart partnered with dozens of organizations, community-based programs and government officials to turn towards the issue of sexual assault in New York City with Denim Day.

Denim Day is an award-winning annual sexual violence prevention and education campaign started by our Los Angeles-based partner, Peace Over Violence. It grew out of a 1990s Italian Supreme Court case in which the Court’s decision overturned a rape conviction because the victim wore tight jeans. The judges reasoned the victim’s tight jeans meant that she had to have helped her assailant remove them, implying consent. People all over the world were outraged, and wearing jeans became an international symbol of protest against erroneous and destructive attitudes and myths surrounding sexual assault. Last year, more than 2.6 million people participated in Denim Day throughout the U.S.

This year is New York’s third year participating in Denim Day campaign and Joyful Heart is so proud to have joined the coalition. In addition to activities, workshops and programs happening throughout all five boroughs for youth and adults on Denim Day, we held a press conference on the steps of City Hall yesterday to kick off our coalition’s Denim Day events.

Manhattan Borough President Scott M. Stringer kicks off the Denim Day NYC 2012 Press Conference.

In addition to our Denim Day organizers the New York City Alliance Against Sexual Assault, Manhattan Borough President Scott M. Stringer, the St. Luke’s Roosevelt Crime Victims Treatment Center and Start Strong Bronx, we were joined by advocates, youth government officials and individuals who filled the steps of City Hall to bring the message to New york that there is no excuse and never an invitation to rape.

We’re sharing that message nationally too. Yesterday, Mariska penned an op-ed in the Huffington Post with Denim Day founder Patti Giggans. From their article:

The way our society thinks about rape and receives survivors is not only tragic, it’s dangerous. Fearing that they won’t be believed, survivors are less likely to report their rapes, which means rapists stay out of jail, which means they are free to rape again.

Denim Day is about coming together as a community that has no tolerance for sexual violence, a community that commits its resources—intellectual, financial, emotional—to responding differently to survivors and making their healing a priority.

To read the entire article, click here.

We and our partners are also sharing this message in social media (that would be #denimday, if you’re on Twitter) in hospitals and rape crisis programs, offices, schools and colleges throughout the country. Together, we can change these harmful victim-blaming attitudes about sexual violence. We can change the way we think about, respond to and support survivors of sexual assault.

If you are wearing denim today, please be sure you have registered your support on www.denimdayusa.org. We invite you to submit photos of yourself in your denim to blog@joyfulheartfoundation.org and share what you’re doing for Denim Day in the comments below.

“If you wanted to get a message out there in relation to helping men who have been sexually abused, what information would you want put out there?”

That was my question to a group of men who attend a monthly support group in Brisbane, Australia. The group is part of a service designed to assist men sexually abused in childhood, their partners, friends, family and service providers.

I was stuck. I had agreed to contribute to this blog and just didn’t know what to say. That’s not because I couldn’t think of what to say, just that there is so much I wanted to say. I wanted to try and convey some sense of the extent of the problem and the particular difficulties men face.  I started writing and paused for a breath at 1,500 words. That’s when I hit on the idea of asking the men what they wanted said.

The men I have consulted first came together in September 2011 for what is now a monthly support group.

By including what the men had to say below, I didn’t want to create an illusion that speaking about sexual abuse—and what they believe is important—is something that has come easy for the men providing comment. Going to a group is not for everyone and getting through the door on the first night was, as one man said, “five times harder than individual counseling.”  Even though in the group we emphasize taking it slowly and participating only as much as you feel comfortable, at times it is still tough work.

The group was a struggle in the beginning, however, around the mid-point things started to change (some men chalked it up to me finally purchasing the barbecue for the group). As the men started to relax and get to know each other, more light-hearted comments began to be included alongside the serious stuff. Group members started to gently joke with each other about choices in relation to sports, cars and in one instance, a group member’s struggles to put together unassembled furniture.

The feedback these men have provided is that they welcome having some structure, a check-in and a “flexible” plan with designated topics that prioritize safety and self-care. The men report that they appreciate room to discuss the day-to-day pressures they face as men, practical ideas about how to deal with memories of the abuse, unhelpful thoughts, behaviors and sometimes overwhelming feelings. Additionally, they talk about taking time to examine the silencing tactics of sexual abuse, options for telling others and the challenges of building good relationships. Most of all, the group members appreciate talking with each other and being there for each other.

This is what they wanted said:

• Sexual abuse is real. And it happens to men.
• We need information out there that tells us how child sexual abuse affects men, along with some useful, better ways to cope and manage.
• We need support agencies that deal with this stuff and they need to be out there talking about this stuff in helpful ways, giving us some hope.
• Tell them, when I couldn’t find anything for men that it made me feel even worse.
• We need safe groups where you can say what you want to say without feeling judged, because this was done to you and it hurts.
• We need information out there on the “gender stuff” that talks about the pressures men feel to manage on their own – that the whole “being a man” stuff impacts how we respond and understand being abused.
• The reality is that we are from all walks of life and we were innocent kids. We need help wherever we are at in life: young, old, middle aged, working in business, on the farm or in construction, in or out of relationships.
• We need people to understand the courage and guts it takes to come forward when it’s all stacked against you!
• We need people to step forward, speak up and get involved.  It’s not just a question of opening a door and expecting men to walk through, it requires someone reaching out to engage men, to put in the time, to help us get the support and better tools to live life.

The above list reminds me of how much work there is to do.  When I look at the list and the work of the Joyful Heart Foundation and 1in6, I know we are heading in the right direction. Please check out 1in6 and The Men’s Project’s Peer Support Guidebook.

In being invited to contribute to this blog, I felt some pressure to say something insightful to wrap things up. However, I just think the men I consulted said all that has to be said.  Thanks guys.

—By Gary Foster

Dr. Gary Foster established and manages the Living Well Service in Brisbane, Australia. For more information see www.livingwell.org.au

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.

With March officially here and springtime only weeks away, we wanted to help keep you prepared for the changing temperatures. It’s why we’d like to remind you about one of the latest—and possibly softest yet—additions to our Heartshop, the White + Warren Cashmere Travel Wrap!

…and you thought a cozy wrap was just for winter.

Spring forward in style and for a joyful cause with the White + Warren Cashmere Travel Wrap.

The White + Warren Travel Wrap is the ultimate all-weather accessory. It comes in a deep purple and is perfect for cool evenings, great for travel and can be worn in countless ways: as a shawl, scarf or even a blanket, to name just a few! From Hawai‘i to New York and beyond, this wrap can be toted in style and comfort well beyond the winter months. And one of our favorite parts of this gorgeous wrap is that each one also comes with a special awareness tag that has information and resources about the issues of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse.

To top it off, White + Warren is generously donating 50% of all net proceeds from each sale to support Joyful Heart’s work, making this accessory one that not only warms our bodies, but our hearts as well.

White + Warren has long supported causes affecting women and women’s health. We’re so grateful for White + Warren’s partnership with Joyful Heart and their latest effort to raise awareness about the issues of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse.

So please visit www.whiteandwarren.com to purchase a limited-edition White + Warren Travel Wrap to benefit Joyful Heart and support our mission to heal and empower survivors of violence and abuse in style. We’re sure you’ll fall just as in love with your Travel Wrap as we have!

With gratitude,

Jessica

If you’re like me, you watched in disbelief as the news media uncovered recent childhood sexual abuse allegations at Penn State University, Syracuse and numerous other institutions. I couldn’t help but wonder how these allegations were kept from authorities for so long. As someone who endured seven years of sexual abuse as a child, I understood why the alleged victims didn’t feel safe to talk, but I couldn’t get my head around how or why the adults who were made aware of the alleged abuse were so reluctant to demand justice. My disbelief turned to frustration, my frustration to anger as the stories unfolded, until ultimately, I was forced to accept that many people simply lose their way when faced with allegations of this magnitude.

About a month ago, my wife and I headed to one of our favorite local restaurants for dinner. We were surprised to find a line out the door, so we opted to eat at the bar. We sat down, jammed between bar patrons, and we prepared to order. The man to my right caught my eye. He was drinking straight vodka and chasing it with olive juice. I struck up a conversation with him about his interesting choice of libations and we exchanged pleasantries, having a laugh about his unusual order. I asked him what he did in town. His response was, “Besides young boys?”

His answer obviously caught me off-guard. It took me a second to formulate a follow-up question but for some reason, I side-stepped his answer and started talking about myself. I told him about my recovery from years of abuse as a child. He nodded his head, refusing to make eye contact at that point, and began sweating profusely. I carried on about a recent book I wrote about my recovery and shared with him how much my childhood experiences impacted all facets of my adult life. Noticing he was clearly uncomfortable and sweating even more, I ordered my meal and tried to enjoy dinner with my wife. I didn’t speak to the man again and left the bar feeling incredibly unsettled.

That night I tossed and turned in bed, wondering why I didn’t probe more about his abrupt and alarming answer to my first question. I didn’t understand why I avoided his virtual red flag and instead focused on teaching him about my past, but deep down I knew that I didn’t want to corner him into a confrontation.

The next morning, I realized I had to do something. I returned to the bar in the afternoon and spoke with the bar owner. She said that she knew him. He was a loyal customer and a great guy. She said that he spends every evening at the bar. When I told her what he said to me, her only response was, “You must have heard him incorrectly, he would never do something like that.” I was surprised at how quickly she came to his defense. After a few minutes, I could tell she was getting annoyed with my persistence so I left the bar feeling frustrated and silenced.

About two weeks of interrupted sleep later, I knew I had to do something more, but I wasn’t sure what step I should take. Here I was, an abuse survivor and staff member of 1in6, an organization founded to help men with sexually abusive pasts, and I still didn’t know what to do next. After a conversation with colleagues, I decided to call the helpline at Stop It Now!, a leader in abuse prevention and awareness. They said there was probably nothing I could do, but that I should report the conversation to the state police. I reported the abuse and although there wasn’t much that they could do legally, they recorded and filed my complaint.

At the end of the day, I knew I exhausted my options, but I gained some peace of mind and learned an important lesson. If it was this difficult for me to figure out what to do, given my profession and my past, it must be that much more confusing for someone else who suspects abuse.

As I look back at the handling of the abuse allegations at Penn State and elsewhere, I don’t come up with any excuses for their actions (or lack thereof), but I do see how this subject can create confusion.

Whether you are a parent or leader who suspects abuse or someone like me who simply heard something that didn’t sound right, the best thing is to do is to contact a resource like 1in6 Online SupportLine or the Stop It Now! Helpline at 1-888-PREVENT to find out how you can report suspected abuse.

Although it’s challenging or may make us uncomfortable, speaking up is our responsibility. Children need us to take action instead of contemplating the next move like a deer in the headlights.

- By Chris Carlton

Chris Carlton is the Development Director at 1in6. He is the author of Nice To Meet Me, a book that chronicles his journey through therapy for sexual abuse in an effort to help fellow abuse survivors and those who love them better understand the process of recovery.  Chris is a former U.S. Navy intelligence officer and advertising executive living in Richmond, Virginia

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.

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It’s been gratifying to see the Justice Department’s recent revisions to the definition used to compile statistics about rape. Language is an important part of any discussion about sexual abuse—for men,  filtered through the lens of cultural expectations of males. Words shape, define and categorize experiences. And the shift may have some deeper implications than are immediately apparent.

On the surface, the change means that the national data on rape will now include males’ unwanted experiences of sexual penetration—not just females’—and removes “forcible assault” as a criterion for inclusion. This will bring the statistics closer in line with the reality many boys and men face daily and with existing laws and prosecutions in many states. Also, the old definition likely contributed to perpetuating the damaging myth, still believed by many, that men can’t be raped. The change is 80 years overdue.

But then I think about individuals and families I’ve worked with over the years, as a child protection social worker, an advocate for adults who experienced sexual abuse and with men who have physically, emotionally or sexually abused their intimate partners. I realize that many  people, including many professionals, will still have a lot of misunderstanding about the meaning of “rape” especially when it is applied to boys and men. Conventional wisdom often conflates rape with other  forms of sexual abuse and violations of sexual boundaries, assuming the words mean the same thing. This can create great confusion when media reports use widely varying statistics, alternately citing data either on sexual abuse or on rape of boys (and sometimes both) without highlighting the differences in definition or explaining why one figure might appear higher or lower than another.

Even with the clarification in definition, some will still get stuck when navigating between the legal criteria and the emotional consequences of coercive sexual interactions other than rape—any of which may have powerful negative consequences for a given individual.

A boy might have experienced anything from sexual comments, questions or conversation, kissing or touching with sexualized overtones, being coerced to view pornography or sexual acts between others, or fondling—none of which is likely to reach the legal definition of rape. But each interaction may still raise disturbing questions, feelings of betrayal or a sense of having been exploited or abused.

I’ve met many men who have had unwanted sexual interactions, but who haven’t believed their experience qualifies as abuse—or that it could have been harmful despite ample evidence to the contrary—because they felt complicit in interactions that weren’t aggressive, forcible assaults or because they didn’t resist in a way that felt effective or “manly.” Indeed, this is a myth that is absorbed by all of us to some extent, as discussed in Myths & Facts on 1in6.org.

By broadening the definition of rape to include non-forcible interactions, the Justice Department modification may also simultaneously lower the bars of recognition and understanding for boys and men (as well as for girls and women) who feel sexually used or manipulated but were not raped or physically forced to interact sexually.

And so, in the long run, that expansion of what’s culturally seen as abusive may be as important as what’s included in the government rape statistics. That can only serve to expand men’s and society’s understanding of the impact of unwanted sexual experiences – and help all of us overcome the harmful but persistent myths about the sexual abuse of boys and men.

–By Peter Pollard

Peter Pollard is the Training and Outreach director for 1in6, Inc. Peter previously worked for 15years as a state, child-protection social worker and was the Public Education director at Stop It Now! Since 2003, he has served as the Western Mass. coordinator for SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests) and also does work for a Certified Batterers Intervention Program.

The following post is the first in a new series from 1in6, which will appear every Thursday here on the Joyful Heart Blog. This series will feature information and commentary about engaging men who are survivors of unwanted or abusive sexual experiences to live healthier, happier lives.

On September 28, 2011, five weeks before the Penn State story would dominate news and sports pages, NBC’s Law & Order: Special Victims Unit aired “Personal Fouls,” a groundbreaking episode on sexual abuse of boys in sports.

For viewers of the original airing, “Personal Fouls” was a remarkable prelude to, and preparation for, the revelations of November: the detailed charges against Jerry Sandusky, the institutional complicity that allowed it to continue for years, and the individual courage that, when backed by family and community support, can bring such tragedies to an end.

The episode, which has a great script and made great TV, is an enlightening window into the sexual abuse of boys by powerful coaches—and its lasting effects in the lives of men. Betrayal. Secrecy. Shame. Fearing you’re not a “real man,” then going overboard to prove you are. These and other lasting harms, struggled with by so many men, are movingly portrayed exchanges like this one:

Detective Amaro:  You ever tell anybody?

Stevie shakes his head.

Amaro:  Why not?

Stevie:  Coach Ed was like an old friend of the family—like an uncle. And he said he could get me a scholarship, you know? D-one. I help him, he helps me. It was our secret.

Amaro:  When did he stop abusing you?

Stevie:  Man, I must’ve been about 15. There were other kids he liked better—think I just got too old. It’s funny, but that’s when I really started falling apart, getting high. After he stopped…

Detective Fin:  Some things don’t really hit you until they’re over.

The first airing of ‘Personal Fouls’ prepared many to receive more fully, with greater understanding and compassion, the Penn State and Syracuse stories.  Now, with those stories off the media’s radar, its re-airing is a great public service too. Again, it deeply moves viewers with realistic stories of men who are among the 1 in 6 sexually abused as boys. Again, it educates viewers, not only on some key realities of this issue, but on television’s potential to do justice to the sexual abuse of boys and its lasting effects in lives of boys, men and their families. If you missed the show, you can watch it free, with a viewer guide.

As a founding board member of 1in6, who works with like-minded others to bring this still-taboo issue into the light and to help sexually abused boys and men live happier and healthier lives, I extend our heartfelt thanks to NBC and to everyone at Law & Order: SVU and the Joyful Heart Foundation.

–By Jim Hopper, Founding Board Member, 1in6.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.