“The power to choose when and how one heals is just as important as finding a support system that works for YOU. Some choose faith and mental health support.  We heal “In our own time, and at our own pace.”

- The 1in6 Family 

It was during my first year of college that my past abuse was brought to the light. During that process I saw a counselor regularly.  My counselor was a very kind and gentle middle-aged woman who had also suffered sexual abuse as a child. However, in her life the painful events of her childhood were continually suppressed until one day, when she was 33 and had children of her own; she snapped. I don’t remember the details of what she shared with me, but I do remember her point in why she told me her story. You can only deny what happened for so long. If you don’t choose to deal with it, it will eventually choose to deal with you whether you like it or not and often at the worst possible time in life. She told me that it took several years of counseling to get through it, but during that time she was a wreck.  She said, “It almost ruined my marriage and irrevocably damaged my children. Their mother was a neurotic mess for several years.”  My counselor was a Christian and attributed her making it through those years to the loving kindness of God, as well as the willingness of her husband to love her through it.

Hearing her story was a great encouragement to me to choose to continue on and endure the pain I was going through. It was also an affirmation of what I felt the Lord had said to me as well, “Aaron, Son, you can choose to deal with this now and let all the pain and hurt out so that my love can fill that place inside of you, or you can shut the door and we will deal with it down the road.” I have never regretted opening that door.

I began 2 years of intense emotional warfare.  By the loving kindness of God I have come out the other side healthier. I feel more whole, more complete as a person. I know that I now have more to give away because of what has been restored to me through dealing with the hurt and the shame. I am so thankful for that season of pain in my youth, at my time of choosing. I know that I have stripped those events in my life of any power they once had over me. I can give more of my heart and myself to my wife and one day to my children because I chose to deal with my painful past, rather than waiting for it to choose when to deal with me.

“Although your past has been painful devastating or cruel God has promised to be a Restorer and a Redeemer. He says He will “give us gladness in proportion to our former misery” and “replace the evil years with good”.”

- By Aaron Kesseler 

Aaron  Kesseler was born in 1986, married the love of his life in 2010 and is currently working for his step-father’s commercial heating business in Seattle, WA. After high school he attended Northwest University in Kirkland for two years. Aaron has volunteered as a camp counselor for five years with the Muscular Dystrophy Association Summer Camp as well as three years with Royal Family Kids Camp, a summer camp for the most abused and neglected children in the area.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.

This is my first blog for 1in6. I guess a good way to introduce myself is to tell you a little about what I have gone through and the feelings I dealt with along the way.

I had the rare privilege to confront and prosecute the man who abused me when I was thirteen. It came to light five years later because two very brave boys stepped forward first and then I followed. It was an unprecedented case that ended in our offender being the first child molester to plead “guilty as charged” to every offense brought against him in the history of the state of Washington. You can read the news article from my interview with Komo 4 here: http://www.komonews.com/news/archive/4186481.html.

During the five years between the time of my abuse and the day I came forward with the truth of what happened, I don’t believe that I even thought about what happened to me one time. It’s amazing how our brains know that some things are just too much to handle so they suppress those memories for us, at least for a while. When I was 18 years old on a Monday afternoon in September my mom called.

“Aaron, have you seen the news?”

“No.”

“Do you remember our old neighbor Chris Stefanik who lived a few doors down? He was just arrested for being a pedophile. I just want to ask you again, did anything inappropriate ever happen when you were with him?”

I could hardly breathe as the dam in my mind began to crumble and the memories came flooding back. I struggled to gain my composure enough to stammer out the word, “N-n-no.”

My mom believed me. Or maybe she just didn’t want to push me. The call ended and I was left in a daze. In that moment I saw a door. This door was hidden at the end of a dark and dimly lit hallway in the corner of my heart. It was covered in moss and had chains and many locks securing it, but the chains had been broken, the locks opened and the door left slightly ajar.

I knew this was a major fork in the road of my life and then I heard the Lord speak clearly in to my heart, “Aaron my son, you have a choice. You can open this door all the way and let out all of the darkness, pain and uncertainty that lies inside so that I can come in and heal you or you can choose to close the door and we will deal with it later. The choice is yours son.” I knew what I had to do. I headed to my Youth Pastor’s on campus apartment where he was studying.

“James, I need to tell you about what happened to me.”

To be continued…

 ”God didn’t promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.”
~Anonymous

Aaron  Kesseler was born in 1986, married the love of his life in 2010 and is currently working for his step-father’s commercial heating business in Seattle, WA. After high school he attended Northwest University in Kirkland for two years. Aaron has volunteered as a camp counselor for five years with the Muscular Dystrophy Association Summer Camp as well as three years with Royal Family Kids Camp, a summer camp for the most abused and neglected children in the area.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.