1in6 Thursday: New Year, New World
Jan 3rd
We begin this New Year with a much greater awareness within our communities than just a year ago about the frequency at which boys are subjected to unwanted or abusive sexual experiences. But perhaps even more importantly in terms of healing for those boys—and the men they become—in the past year, we’ve seen men speaking more openly about their efforts to overcome the harmful impacts of those childhood experiences. Every word that diminishes the sense of isolation and shame about abusive experiences, which many men have silently carried through their adult lives, potentially opens a door to recovery. As we enter 2013, we have a very different context for addressing sexual abuse of boys than ever before.
The courageous testimony from the men who were abused by Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky, though painful to hear, opened a floodgate of disclosures from men and women abused by individuals in positions of power – coaches, teachers, clergy and others. In recognition of the failures it made in addressing the clear signs of Sandusky’s abuse of boys in his care, Penn State has undertaken an intensive self assessment and consulted with numerous experts to determine the best ways to prevent future abuse and to support those who have already experienced abuse.
Even the NCAA has initiated a widespread effort to address the impact and prevention of sexual abuse through a $50 million fine imposed on Penn State.
The public’s response to revelations about decades of sexual abuse reports covered up by the Boy Scouts of America might have been very different without the heightened awareness brought by the media coverage of the Sandusky trial. Again, the realization for each of the boys who was abused that he is not one, but instead, one of many, will make it easier to acknowledge the experience and to seek help for any negative consequences.
Within the same context, Major League knuckle-ball pitcher and 2012 Cy Young winner R.A. Dickey wrote about his recovery from childhood sexual abuse in his autobiography “Wherever I Wind Up: My Quest for Truth, Authenticity and the Perfect Knuckleball.” His willingness to include those experiences in his life story and his reflections on the success and peace that he brought to his life, in part by finally facing the painful memories about his childhood, have, no doubt, been an inspiration to many.
Another memoir published in 2012, “Nice to Meet Me” by Chris Carlton, walks readers through the first 15 months of his healing journey, in a clear, insightful, humble and humorous style.
And Dr. Howard Fradkin’s newly released book on recovery “Joining Forces, Empowering Male Survivors to Thrive” is written with the goal of providing tools for male survivors of sexual victimization to develop skills they can use to overcome the effects of trauma and learn to thrive in their lives. In the book, Fradkin describes his own process of recovery from childhood sexual abuse and uses the voices of 20 other men who have worked through their healing.
So let’s hope that when we look back on 2013, we’ll be able to see it as the tipping point year, when individual’s, families’ and communities’ support for men’s willingness to seek help to recover from unwanted or abusive childhood sexual experiences became the norm, rather than the exception.
–By Peter Pollard
Peter Pollard is the Training and Outreach Director for 1in6, Inc. Peter previously worked for 15 years as a state, child-protection social worker and was the Public Education director at Stop It Now! Since 2003, he has served as the Western Massachusetts coordinator for SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests) and also does work for a Certified Batterers Intervention Program.
The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.
1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.
Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.
The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.
Your Daily Joy: 1/2/2013
Jan 2nd
“True happiness comes from the joy of deeds well done, the zest of creating things new.”
–Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Your Daily Joy: 1/1/2013
Jan 1st
“And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been”
–Rainer Maria Rilke
Calling All 2012 Donations
Dec 31st
Dear Joyful Heart Community,
You’ve helped to support Joyful Heart’s work all year long and we are so grateful.
A donation today means not only a deduction on your 2012 taxes, but more importantly, a meaningful contribution to continue Joyful Heart’s work to help heal and empower survivors of violence and abuse.
We have so much to look forward to and so much work to do. We hope you will join us on our journey in the new year.
Wishing you a joyful 2013,
Maile Zambuto
Chief Executive Officer
Your Daily Joy: 12/31/2012
Dec 31st
“Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold, happiness dwells in the soul.”
–Democritus
Your Daily Joy: 12/30/2012
Dec 30th
“The chief beauty about time
is that you cannot waste it in advance.
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you,
as perfect, as unspoiled,
as if you had never wasted or misapplied
a single moment in all your life.
You can turn over a new leaf every hour
if you choose.”
–Arnold Bennett
Big Plans for 2013
Dec 27th
Dear Joyful Heart Community:
2013 is just around the corner and we know now, more than ever, how necessary and important our work is.
Thanks to supporters like you, in 2013 we will continue to heal and empower survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse and the professionals who serve them. We will extend and grow our reach and we will respond to new community needs.
We are ready to keep raising the nation’s consciousness around these issues. We are ready to engage policymakers to ensure that our laws and systems provide survivors the justice they deserve, hold perpetrators accountable and prevent future violence. And, we’ll continue to send a clear message to survivors: “We hear you, we believe you, you are not alone and your healing is our priority.”
We know you are ready to help us make all of our 2013 plans a reality. Just click here to donate now,
In 2013, Joyful Heart will be launching a new website, working to replicate our survivor retreat programs across the country and around the world, publishing a groundbreaking rape kit backlog victim notification report, beginning conversations with young men in schools about respect and doing more outreach to supporters like you.
We hope you’ll join us in looking toward a 2013 new year filled with renewed hope, promise and joy. Please support our work today.
With gratitude,
Maile Zambuto
Chief Executive Officer
1in6 Thursday: Control
Dec 27th
It seems like every person I know who was sexually assaulted—including me—struggles with control issues. Or perhaps “power issues” is the better term. We can tend to feel the need to be in charge (in control) of things or we surrender and give up any self-assertion. Some vacillate between the two extremes.
I am a controller, although many people don’t recognize it. For instance, recently I was at a dinner meeting and five of us were at one table. I started the conversation going and kept it moving. One woman was largely silent while the rest of us laughed and joked. When there was a pause, I turned to her, a woman I didn’t know well, and said, “You’ve been quiet. So tell us five things about yourself that you don’t want anyone to know.”
Everyone laughed.
I was in control. She responded in a joking manner and entered the conversation. That’s what I call benevolent control. There have been other times when my assertiveness (or aggression) has been more self-centered, such as my need to protect or defend myself. In the past, if a conversation tended to go in an unwelcome or dangerous way I cracked a joke or changed the topic.
I rarely need to do that these days.
I’m learning to give up unhealthy power—the kind of control that belittles or hurts others. I respect those who still need to assert themselves—in that benevolent, not harmful way—for whatever their reason. For example, I recently spoke at a conference and the leader did a few things I didn’t personally like, but I thought about her actions and said to myself, so what? Who will remember? Who will care?
In that instance, I knowingly and consciously put myself in that middle, not needing to take the control that has been so comfortable for me in the past. And it was actually alright.
–By Cecil Murphey
Cecil Murphey is the author of When a Man You Love Was Abused. His follow-up book, Not Quite Healed will be released in February 2013. He is also the author or co-author of more than 100 books including The New York Times’ best-seller 90 Minutes in Heaven.
The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.
1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.
JHF and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative here.
The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.