<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<rss version="2.0" xml:base="https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org"  xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/">
<channel>
 <title>Joyful Heart Foundation - journey</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/tags/journey</link>
 <description></description>
 <language>en</language>
<item>
 <title>1in6 Thursday: Numb</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-thursday-numb</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p&gt;I loved my wife very much and she was seriously ill. We had been involved in a serious car crash (my fault), and the doctor didn&#039;t expect her to survive. (Shirley lived, but that&#039;s another story.) &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;As I sat by her bedside in the hospital, I felt nothing. I was emotionally numb. &lt;em&gt;What&#039;s wrong with me?&lt;/em&gt; I asked myself. &lt;em&gt;This is the person I love most and I can&#039;t feel anything. &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;That wasn&#039;t the first time I had numbed out; it wasn&#039;t the last time. Over the years, I&#039;ve encountered extremely difficult situations and yet felt nothing. &lt;em&gt;Something in me is defective. Why can&#039;t I be normal like other men?&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;To make it worse, I sometimes cried. But it was always about someone with whom I had no strong emotional ties. I didn&#039;t understand how I could be sad over small things and yet feel nothing about the hurt of those I loved most. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;Yes, something in me must be defective.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Here&#039;s how I finally understood my lack of emotions. While I was doing my daily, pre-dawn run, a car made a U-turn in front of me and knocked me down. I felt no pain, but three days later, I sensed what I called &quot;a little discomfort&quot; in my left hip. It didn&#039;t hurt, but it was a nuisance.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;At my wife&#039;s urging, I went to a chiropractor and he did a number of tests. He kept asking, &quot;Does this hurt?&quot; Nothing he did caused me to say yes. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&quot;You have a very high tolerance for pain,&quot; he finally said. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;A few days later I related that incident to my younger brother, Chuck. He laughed and said, &quot;Don&#039;t you remember how Dad beat us and we didn&#039;t cry? We learned not to feel it.&quot; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&quot;That&#039;s right!&quot; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Just then the numbness made sense. Whenever powerful emotions overwhelmed me, I numbed out and felt nothing.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For weeks I prayed, &quot;God, help me feel my emotions.&quot; I did regular self-talk in which I affirmed, &quot;I feel my feelings.&quot;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;One evening my cell rang and it was my friend Reg. &quot;Fran&#039;s in the hospital. They think it&#039;s a brain tumor.&quot; Fran had been complaining of severe headaches and lack of balance.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Tears filled my eyes and I could hardly speak for several minutes. After the phone call, I realized that I&#039;d cried for someone close to me, someone I cared about very much.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;That was the beginning. I&#039;ve since learned to reclaim my emotions. Or rather, I&#039;m still learning. To some it may sound strange, but I&#039;ve learned to feel. And I&#039;m grateful for feeling sadness. Pain. Loss. Nothing in me is defective and I&#039;m still healing. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-Logo-1in6-New-Body.png&quot; width=&quot;196&quot; height=&quot;260&quot; style=&quot;float: left;&quot; class=&quot; no-shadow&quot; /&gt;&lt;em&gt;- By Cecil Murphey&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;Cecil Murphey wrote&lt;/em&gt; When a Man You Love Was Abused&lt;em&gt; and &lt;/em&gt;Not Quite Healed&lt;em&gt; with survivor Gary Roe. Murphey is the author or coauthor of more than 130 books including international best-sellers,&lt;/em&gt; 90 Minutes in Heaven&lt;em&gt; and&lt;/em&gt; Gifted Hands: the Ben Carson Story&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;′&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative &lt;a href=&quot;/programs/education-awareness/engaging-men/1in6-partnership-and-1bluestring&quot;&gt;here&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-issues&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Issues&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/sexual-assault&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Sexual Assault&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/child-abuse-and-neglect&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Child Abuse and Neglect&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/engaging-men&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Engaging Men&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6-thursday&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursday&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/cecil-murphey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Cecil Murphey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/emotional-healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;emotional healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Thu, 13 Nov 2014 19:33:41 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>1in6org</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31930 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
<item>
 <title>1in6 Thursday: “You Did so Much for Me”</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-thursday-%E2%80%9Cyou-did-so-much-me%E2%80%9D</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;“You did so much for me.” Monty ran up to me, embraced me and thanked me.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;He thought I had done so much; I felt I had done so little.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;“You listened,” Monty said and hugged me again.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;In terms of my &lt;em&gt;doing &lt;/em&gt;something, I felt inadequate.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;For Monty, I did the one healing thing I could do: I allowed him to talk and didn’t judge him. That’s all he needed—someone to listen and &lt;em&gt;not&lt;/em&gt; totell him what a terrible failure he was. In reality, I kept silent because I didn’t know what to say or how to help.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;That incident has happened on several occasions. Each time I’m amazed because I was silent. I’m a man who can talk a lot and often. In recent years, however, I’ve learned that my silence is sometimes more eloquent than my best, thought-out responses.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;As I wrote above, initially I kept quiet—not out of wisdom, but out of not knowing what to say. I didn’t want to offer advice out of my discomfort, or say something to make the situation worse.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;So I did the right thing—and, only in retrospect, understood it was correct. I cared about Monty and the others who have come to me. It’s easy (and sometimes tempting) to throw out clichés, and nice-but-empty phrases. I’ve come to believe that at the right times, silence speaks more eloquently than the cleverest words.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;Monty and the others who came to me didn’t need answers, sage advice or lectures on healthy behavior. They needed me to care and I proved I cared by respecting their dilemmas, listening and accepting them in their dark moments.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;If we want to help but don’t know what to say, we wisely say nothing.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-1in6-Logo-body.png&quot; width=&quot;222&quot; height=&quot;300&quot; style=&quot;float: left;&quot; /&gt;Cecil Murphey has written &lt;em&gt;When a Man You Love Was Abused (2010) &lt;/em&gt;and &lt;em&gt;Not Quite Healed &lt;/em&gt;(2013).&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com/&quot;&gt;www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com&lt;/a&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;′&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;JHF and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://joyfulheartfoundation.org/wordpress/1in6-thursday-ill-never-forgive-you/men.joyfulheartfoundation.org&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;here&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/things-you-can-do&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Things you can do&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/survivors&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Survivors&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-author field-type-text field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;Cecil Murphey&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Thu, 18 Jul 2013 04:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>LauraSmulian</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31587 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
<item>
 <title>1in6 Thursday: Open the Doors</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-thursday-open-doors</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Randy Ellison discusses the moment he is able to “Open the Doors” to healthy possibilities and positive rewards. So many survivors have learned to protect themselves by keeping people and experiences at bay. Here, Randy shares the moment where finds the balance between a coping mechanism and letting in the great things life has to offer.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Going to church was a requirement when I was a kid. No matter how much I complained, my mother always said that if I listened I would hear something of value. Once I start going to church again after a very long hiatus, I find I automatically listen for a message. Some morsels that can help me live a better life or to be a better person. My takeaway last Sunday was, &lt;em&gt;Open the Doors&lt;/em&gt;. Nothing—and I mean nothing—good can happen if we keep our doors closed. We cannot be in a relationship, we cannot be heard, we cannot learn from others and anything we create exists only in the dark. We tell ourselves, “at least we are safe.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Living without having our doors open is like trying to live without eating. And yet this is how I lived for most of my adult life, a survivor’s life that was almost entirely based on never being a victim again. So my existence was one of hiding and protectionism—no risk and therefore no possibility of reward.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;In my recovery I have been teaching myself to open my doors to people, relationships and new experiences. In lowering my walls I have converted what I previously perceived as great risks, into what I now find exciting, stimulating and rewarding. My desire to feel better and heal my broken self has motivated me to risk trying new approaches to life. The old ones just weren’t working.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;From this point forward, I will be visualizing physically opening a door to life. I am willing to give up the protection of my walls for the beauty I now know exists outside. What do I have to lose? I have lived with disappointment, anger, sarcasm and skepticism all my life, so even if I have a bad experience once in a while, I can deal with that. The gain from living a vulnerable life has become enriching food for my soul. It is a hundred times more powerful than the pain I felt living in denial.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Because my doors are now open and we can see each other, I want to thank all the people I have been meeting for the spiritual connection you seem willing to share with me. I am finding our differences no longer matter. You are not the ogre, sloth or ignoramus I thought you were. Our clothes, lifestyle, ideology, skin color or sexuality become superficial. I can see your soul through your eyes and it is there that we are all connected.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Wherever I meet you, in church, at a conference, online or in a coffee shop, I am going to try to remember how special you are and what our encounter can mean to both of us if we are willing to open our doors. As you walk your healing path, think of what your world might look like if you stop letting the potential downside determine your actions. I think you will be amazed at the richness that comes to your door. I am.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;&lt;em style=&quot;font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;&quot;&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-1in6-Logo-body.png&quot; width=&quot;222&quot; height=&quot;300&quot; style=&quot;float: left;&quot; /&gt;- By Randy Ellison&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Speaker, author and advocate for victims of child sexual abuse Randy Ellison, himself a victim as a teen, says he works on the issue because “we can’t stop the cycle of abuse unless it is not just acknowledged, but talked about, understood and prevented.” Author of the book &lt;/em&gt;Boys Don’t Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse&lt;em&gt;, Ellison is a child sexual abuse victim’s advocate and an activist promoting cultural change on this issue working with local, state and national organizations addressing abuse prevention and awareness.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Ellison is a founding member and former board president of Oregon Abuse Advocates and Survivors in Service, OAASIS. Working with OAASIS he has helped pass groundbreaking legislation in Oregon on child sex abuse. He is also a member of the Oregon Attorney General’s Sexual Assault Task Force.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;′&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://men.joyfulheartfoundation.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;men.joyfulheartfoundation.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/survivor&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Survivor&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-author field-type-text field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;Randy Ellison&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Fri, 05 Jul 2013 04:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>LauraSmulian</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31585 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
<item>
 <title>From 1in6: Why Tell Anybody?</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-why-tell-anybody</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;I don’t know how he got my telephone number and he never told me his name. As soon as I identified myself, he blurted: “Why should a man tell anyone about his abuse?”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;“He doesn’t need to tell anyone. He can keep it a secret until he dies,” I said.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;“But talking is just talking—just mere words.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Certain he was referring to himself, I asked, “Have you ever told anyone?”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;After a long silence, he mumbled, “No.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;“Suppose I had a tumor inside my body,” I said. “I could live with that a long time as it slowly grew. But I’d be aware and have some discomfort or even a lot of pain. And suppose the tumor wasn’t operable. Then what?”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;He didn’t respond, so I continued. “You might use medication to shrink that tumor. It would likely take place over a period of time, but you could do it.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;“So you think that’s what talking does?”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;“It worked for me,” I said, “and for many men who’ve talked with me.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Before we hung up. I gave him one of my original maxims: &lt;em&gt;I know of myself only what I say of myself.&lt;/em&gt; By that I meant, we have to speak the words of our pain to someone else for the healing to begin. “Survivors need other people,” I told him. “If you don’t want to start with a spouse or a good male friend, go to a professional. Once you can start talking about it, you become an instrument of your own healing. You enlist others. Each time you’re able to talk about it—”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;“The more effective it is, right?”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;I tried to explain that we’ve been created to connect with other humans. And with a basic need to be understood by others. I’m convinced that as I enable others to understand me, I also learn to understand myself.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-1in6-Logo-body.png&quot; width=&quot;222&quot; height=&quot;300&quot; style=&quot;float: left;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt; &lt;em style=&quot;font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;&quot;&gt;- By Cecil Murphey&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Cecil Murphey is the author of &lt;/em&gt;When a Man You Love Was Abused&lt;em&gt;. His follow-up book, &lt;/em&gt;Not Quite Healed&lt;em&gt; will be released in February 2013. He is also the author or co-author of more than 100 books including&lt;/em&gt; The New York Times’&lt;em&gt; best-seller &lt;/em&gt;90 Minutes in Heaven.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;′&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;JHF and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://joyfulheartfoundation.org/wordpress/1in6-thursday-ill-never-forgive-you/men.joyfulheartfoundation.org&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;here&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6-thursday&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursday&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/engaging-men&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;engaging men&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/survivors&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Survivors&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-author field-type-text field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;Cecil Murphey&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Fri, 28 Jun 2013 04:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>LauraSmulian</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31584 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
<item>
 <title>1in6 Thursday: Life after Acceptance</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-thursday-life-after-acceptance</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p&gt;I am currently 27 years old; I’ve been married for 3 years and have been in steady career for 5 years. It has been almost a decade since my childhood abuses came to the light and were thoroughly dealt with. When I began seeing a counselor about it, I remember him sharing with me that he too was a survivor, and although he had felt like he had processed through his own experience in a healthy and thorough way, there were still days were the feelings of shame and insecurity would return.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I have experienced this many times since my ordeal however, the frequency and intensity of these events has decreased over time. It seems that these recurrences cannot be avoided and, for some, may in fact be a healthy component necessary for complete healing. Although they are very unpleasant when they occur they can allow us an opportunity grow stronger, to choose to apply the truths we have come to know in place of the lies that we have previously believed.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;For me, my greatest and continual source of strength has come from my relationship with my heavenly Father. His words spoken to me through scripture and through my times alone with him are the only reason I am doing as well as I am today.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Some time ago I had a dream that has given me a great visual to help me fight the feelings of shame when they try to return and consume me. In this dream I was full of shame and was thrown into the back of a van. I was put into a straight jacket and the other men in the van were mocking me and hurling shameful insults at me. I was terrified because I knew how terrifying and horrible the place was that they were taking me. Suddenly I knew how to escape: I began to speak out loud the words of God found in the Bible. As I spoke the other men in the van became terrified of me and covered their ears as the straight jacket began to come apart and fall away from my body. I felt exhilarated and I was free!&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When I feel the shame return I visualize this dream and say out loud something to the effect of, “No, I refuse to put on the straight jacket of shame. I am free and shame has no place in my life. Thank you Lord for your goodness and your kindness and that you have freed me and healed me from shame because there is no condemnation in Christ and I am His!” Sometimes I declare this several times a day until the shame succumbs to the truth. It takes perseverance but its a battle worth fighting and a battle that we must learn to win if we are going to live the rest of our lives as healthy men who are not enslaved to our past wounds.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-1in6-Logo-body.png&quot; width=&quot;222&quot; height=&quot;300&quot; style=&quot;float: left;&quot; class=&quot; no-shadow&quot; /&gt;-&lt;em&gt; Aaron Kesseler &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Survivors experience varied effects of trauma. Some experience intrusive thoughts. Healthy coping mechanisms are just as varied and can only be determined on an individual basis. The power to choose which healthy coping skill one uses can be a vital part of healing. Some choose faith and spirituality. We heal in our own time, and at our own pace.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Aaron Kesseler was born in 1986, married the love of his life in 2010 and is currently working for his step-father’s commercial heating business in Seattle, WA. After high school he attended Northwest University in Kirkland for two years. Aaron has volunteered as a camp counselor for five years with the Muscular Dystrophy Association Summer Camp as well as three years with Royal Family Kids Camp, a summer camp for the most abused and neglected children in the area.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;&lt;span class=&quot;s1&quot;&gt;′&lt;/span&gt;&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;span class=&quot;s2&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;span class=&quot;s2&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://men.joyfulheartfoundation.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;span class=&quot;s2&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;men.joyfulheartfoundation.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/trauma&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;trauma&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-author field-type-text field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;Aaron Kesseler&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Wed, 05 Jun 2013 04:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>LauraSmulian</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31537 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
<item>
 <title>1in6 Thursday: Did It Really Happen?</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-thursday-did-it-really-happen</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Trigger Warning: The following blog may contain sensitive imagery.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;I “forgot” about my abuse. I didn’t remember anything about my childhood before I was 11 or 12 years old. Forgetting, a form of denial, is a common coping mechanism. Looking back, the clues were there, but I didn’t know. Several times a month a dream recurred. In it, I walked through our home where I had lived until we moved when I was 15 years old. When someone unexpectedly touched me from behind, I jumped. In a movie, a sinister figure chased a boy in the dark and I cringed in fear.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;One day, as a middle-aged adult finishing a 12-mile run, a memory flashed through my brain. Tears flowed and the first painful linking of my past forced itself on me. Then I knew: I had been sexually molested. Over the next months, other incidents seeped into my consciousness.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;I kept trying to convince myself that the abuse hadn’t happened. About that time, the false-memory syndrome became national news. Apparently, a few therapists had inadvertently planted false memories in their clients. I hadn’t gone to a therapist, but I wanted mine to be false memories.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;But they were real.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;I’m an imaginative person and, despite the inner turmoil, I tried to banish those experiences as self-inventions. “They’re not true,” I cried. “I’ve made them up.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;But they were real.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;Once I faced the truth about my tormented childhood—and for months it was a struggle—the healing process began.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;“They were real,” I said to myself repeatedly. “They happened.”&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;Those two simple, oft-repeated sentences opened the door into my long-hidden pathway of denial. Later, my three sisters corroborated my memories, even though they weren’t aware of the abuse.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;Now I know. They were real.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt;Yes, I was molested. Those things happened. Because I accept that fact, I am overcoming the pain.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-1in6-Logo-body.png&quot; width=&quot;222&quot; height=&quot;300&quot; style=&quot;float: left;&quot; class=&quot; no-shadow&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;- By Cecil Murphey&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Cecil Murphey has written two books on sexual abuse. The first was &lt;/em&gt;When a Man You Love Was Abused and Not Quite Healed&lt;em&gt;. He is the author or co-author of several best-selling books including &lt;/em&gt;90 Minutes in Heaven&lt;em&gt;, which was on &lt;/em&gt;The New York Times’&lt;em&gt; best-seller list for five years and &lt;/em&gt;Gifted Hands: the Ben Carson Story&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com/&quot;&gt;www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;′&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://men.joyfulheartfoundation.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;men.joyfulheartfoundation.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot;&gt; &lt;em style=&quot;font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;&quot;&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/overcoming&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;overcoming&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-author field-type-text field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;Cecil Murphey&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Thu, 23 May 2013 04:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>LauraSmulian</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31539 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
<item>
 <title>1in6 Thursday: Behold the Turtle</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-thursday-behold-turtle</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot; style=&quot;text-align: left;&quot;&gt;Researcher Brené Brown became an overnight celebrity after she gave a TED Talk about vulnerability and shame that has been viewed over nine million times.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p style=&quot;text-align: center;&quot;&gt;&lt;iframe src=&quot;http://embed.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html&quot; frameborder=&quot;0&quot; scrolling=&quot;no&quot; width=&quot;560&quot; height=&quot;315&quot;&gt;&lt;/iframe&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p2&quot; style=&quot;text-align: center;&quot;&gt;&lt;strong style=&quot;font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;&quot;&gt;BRENÉ BROWN&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p7&quot; style=&quot;text-align: center;&quot;&gt;THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Everything she says about vulnerability and shame can be directly applied to survivors of child sex abuse. As a researcher, she states that it is a scientific fact that connection is the basis for human life and shame unravels connection. That spells problems for us survivors, because our most powerful emotion is shame. She goes on to say that shame makes us feel as though we are not worthy of connection.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Welcome to my world and that of many survivors who are working through a healing process. At times, we can feel unworthy—unworthy of love; unworthy of joy; unworthy of the good things in life. My life looked more like a battlefield than a playground or a park. My perceived strength was really coming from fear, because there was no way I was going to let anyone ever get the upper hand on me again. Show no vulnerability and give no quarter.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Ms. Brown tells us that vulnerability is not weakness, but is in fact strength. It is through the strength to risk vulnerability that we find connection, growth and joy. What that says to me is that I have watched life from behind my protective walls and lived closed off from the beauty that is all around, yet never touched it. That is no doubt why people commented on how serious I always seemed to be. By cutting off my pain I also cut off the good feelings in life.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;I began my healing by telling my story to a therapist. In hindsight I realize that took real courage. I began shedding my shame a piece at a time. Once the walls built by my shame started coming down, I began feeling lots of emotions. In letting go of my fear, I found courage to tell my story and risk being imperfect (vulnerable) in the world. I have lived a linear life, only deviating from the line to go around obstacles. My life now is circular. I find amazing connections that come around when they are needed. Life can be so much more than a race downfield. When we are strong enough to be vulnerable we find that everything is connected and in living those connections is a life of truth, worth and joy.  And yes, it includes tears and pain as well, but it is good just to feel after living numb for so long.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;My wife and I got a wedding present a million years ago and it was a ceramic turtle with a small tag on it that said “Behold the turtle, he makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.” May you find the strength to risk being vulnerable, tell your story, and in doing so find yourself, and all life has to offer.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;S&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-1in6-Logo-body.png&quot; width=&quot;222&quot; height=&quot;300&quot; style=&quot;float: left;&quot; class=&quot; no-shadow&quot; /&gt;peaker, author and advocate for victims of child sexual abuse Randy Ellison, himself a victim as a teen, says he works on the issue because “we can’t stop the cycle of abuse unless it is not just acknowledged, but talked about, understood and prevented.” Author of the book &lt;/em&gt;Boys Don’t Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse&lt;em&gt;, Ellison is a child sexual abuse victim’s advocate and an activist promoting cultural change on this issue working with local, state and national organizations addressing abuse prevention and awareness.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Ellison is a founding member and former board president of Oregon Abuse Advocates and Survivors in Service, OAASIS. Working with OAASIS he has helped pass groundbreaking legislation in Oregon on child sex abuse. He is also a member of the Oregon Attorney General’s Sexual Assault Task Force.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;′&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends, and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://men.joyfulheartfoundation.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;men.joyfulheartfoundation.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/vulnerability&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Vulnerability&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/strength&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Strength&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-author field-type-text field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;Randy Ellison&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Thu, 16 May 2013 04:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>LauraSmulian</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31540 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
<item>
 <title>1in6 Thursday: Understanding My Abuser</title>
 <link>https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org/blog/1in6-thursday-understanding-my-abuser</link>
 <description>&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot; property=&quot;content:encoded&quot;&gt; &lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;When we think upon the abuse we suffered as children we are often consumed by feelings of pain and how they may continue to negatively affect us even into our present. It may be years before we consider, let alone care why our abuser may have done this to us. What made him/her the way that they are? If we allow our pain to answer this question, the immediate reply is likely, “Because he/she is a twisted pervert and a disgusting human being and they deserve to suffer.” These feelings are completely understandable and can even be a healthy first step in the healing process, however at some point we must move on to the next question: why would they have done something like this to me?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;Statistics show that 95% of abusers were they themselves abused as children. When we are ready and when we are strong enough we may allow ourselves to move into the emotional realm of empathy. The odds are that your abuser suffered the exact same pain that they inflicted on you. If you can, think about that person as a little boy or girl and how scared they were when it happened to them. Imagine the shame that they lived with all of their lives not knowing how to deal with what happened to them and too ashamed to tell anyone. Then, after many years of that unrevealed secret festering inside of them like an infected appendix they exploded and they acted out inflicting that same pain on someone else, forever putting their life on a terrible course.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; This reality by no means justifies our abusers and is not supposed to. By realizing that they suffered the same things we did it helps us to be able to forgive them. Forgiveness, contrary to common belief has much more to do with your healing than with the other person.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;img src=&quot;/sites/default/files/blog/Blog-1in6-Logo-body.png&quot; width=&quot;222&quot; height=&quot;300&quot; style=&quot;color: #333333; font-family: MyriadPro-Regular; font-size: 14.44444465637207px; line-height: 21.99652862548828px; float: left;&quot; /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;- By Aaron Kesseler &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Aaron  Kesseler was born in 1986, married the love of his life in 2010 and is currently working for his step-father’s commercial heating business in Seattle, WA. After high school he attended Northwest University in Kirkland for two years. Aaron has volunteered as a camp counselor for five years with the Muscular Dystrophy Association Summer Camp as well as three years with Royal Family Kids Camp, a summer camp for the most abused and neglected children in the area.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6&lt;/em&gt;′&lt;em&gt;s mission also includes serving &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://1in6.org/family-friends-partners/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;family members, friends and partners&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.1in6.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;1in6.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;http://men.joyfulheartfoundation.org/&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;men.joyfulheartfoundation.org&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt;&lt;em&gt;The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p class=&quot;p1&quot;&gt; &lt;/p&gt; &lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-blog-category field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/our-partners&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Our Partners&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/blog-category/1in6-thursdays&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6 Thursdays&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-tags field-type-taxonomy-term-reference field-label-above&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-label&quot;&gt;Tags:&amp;nbsp;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/gratitude&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;gratitude&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/understanding&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Understanding&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/patience&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;Patience&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/healing&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;healing&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/journey&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;journey&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item odd&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/tags/1in6&quot; typeof=&quot;skos:Concept&quot; property=&quot;rdfs:label skos:prefLabel&quot; datatype=&quot;&quot;&gt;1in6&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field field-name-field-author field-type-text field-label-hidden&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-items&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;field-item even&quot;&gt;Aaron Kesseler&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;</description>
 <pubDate>Thu, 02 May 2013 04:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
 <dc:creator>LauraSmulian</dc:creator>
 <guid isPermaLink="false">31543 at https://www.joyfulheartfoundation.org</guid>
</item>
</channel>
</rss>