As I reread my first three blog entries and recall in my mind the pain and the trial of that season of my life I do not feel shame over it. I used to, but not anymore. I believe that shame is one of the most destructive forces on this planet, if not the most destructive. Shame causes us to live in fear of others knowing. This fear causes us to hide and to hide we must become masters of control. We must control every relationship, never letting anyone dig too deep or know too much about a certain aspect of our lives. It is my experience that those who feel bad do bad. What I mean is that those who feel dirty, defiled, guilty, disqualified, rejected, shameful will in turn do those very things. Unless it is stopped, shame is a perpetual cycle. It relentlessly gnaws at our soul deep within telling us that these things that happened to us will always define us.

The truth is, these things will always define us. Unless we can find our identity not in what we’ve done, not in what has been done to us but in who God says that we are. After the signature at the end of my e-mails is this quote:

Outside of Christ, I am only a sinner, but in Christ, I am saved. Outside of Christ, I am empty; in Christ, I am full. Outside of Christ, I am weak; in Christ, I am strong. Outside of Christ, I cannot; in Christ, I am more than able. Outside of Christ, I have been defeated; in Christ, I am already victorious. How meaningful are the words, 'in Christ.' ---Watchman Nee

This reality has been my saving grace. Outside of Christ I am defined by my shame, but in Christ I am set free. Shame has been the greatest battle of my life. Don’t misunderstand me, it is still a battle that I must choose to engage in whenever those feelings of shame try to rise within me and tell me that I am dirty, defiled or bad. When those thoughts come I look to my savior and am filled with peace knowing in my mind and feeling deep within that he has washed me and made me clean. Clean not only from those things that I have done wrong, but for every wrong that has been done to me. I am so thankful that in the light of Christ I have been washed clean and forever freed my from the dark chains of shame.

Aaron Kesseler was born in 1986, married the love of his life in 2010 and is currently working for his step-father’s commercial heating business in Seattle, WA. After high school he attended Northwest University in Kirkland for two years. Aaron has volunteered as a camp counselor for five years with the Muscular Dystrophy Association Summer Camp as well as three years with Royal Family Kids Camp, a summer camp for the most abused and neglected children in the area.

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