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Self-Compassion In the Wake of a Shared Tragedy
Dear Joyful Heart Community,
We are deeply saddened by the shooting at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina that took place on Wednesday night, and want to express our deepest condolences to the families, Black community and community at large affected by this violence.
Just as the violence we seek to end— sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse—is a learned behavior, so is violence motivated by racism, hate and fear. We also understand the intersections of violence, which teach us that Wednesday night’s incident is not isolated. Rather, it is but one manifestation of a larger system in which racism exists.
And as we move forward, we will continue to abide by our guiding principle to do this work from a place of deep cultural awareness—recognizing the historical, societal and institutional forms of oppression that are inherent in violence of any kind.
As we honor the profound grief and anger of the families of the victims and the community, we at Joyful Heart renew our commitment to building a community where all are safe from violence and abuse.
We are aware of the toll such difficult news might have on our larger community—many who are themselves survivors of violence and trauma—in its many manifestations and intersections. And we recognize the disproportionately high levels of trauma that historically marginalized communities face in this country.
With that in mind, below is a short set of offerings that may be supportive as you cultivate compassion for yourself or others as we stand as a nation and process Wednesday night's events together.
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Pace Exposure.
Respectfully acknowledge the tragedy, then allow yourself respite from the information. The events we see may bring up ties to our own losses, personal traumas and worries. Allow time away from focusing on the event to pace yourself with this process.
Nurture Yourself.
Stress can be a result of the intake of high levels of information, which needs time to energetically leave our bodies. This means stepping away from the constant influx of news and information. You may want to reconnect with a healing activity you haven’t done in a while, or connect with others. Make the time to do what you know makes you feel better.
There is a physical toll on your body that comes from processing excessive amounts of emotional information and experiences. To help balance this, take extra care of yourself in the aftermath of receiving stressful information. Listen to what your body truly needs and respond with compassion.
Find an Outlet.
We may find ourselves wanting to take action in response to a trauma. Sometimes, this is our intuition looking for a healthy outlet for emotions to surface and exit our bodies. Our bodies often inherently respond to trauma or injustice with a desire to protect ourselves or others. This is a normal, biologically based need to contribute to a solution.
It may be helpful to have a response that incorporates movement to support our bodies in moving through this experience—from marching in protest with others or writing an editorial or letter in your community, to any physical activity that appeals to us. Listen to your body and respect its desire to help.
For non-Black communities, find out how to be an ally the antiracism movement. “Teaching Tolerance," from the Southern Poverty Law Center, has a helpful set of resources. And the essay, “Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Peggy McIntosh, is an enduringly poignant yet straightforward tool to explore systemic privilege and oppression.
Finally, we must lead by example—to each other, our friends, families and loved ones, and especially our children. Our collective vision of a world without violence depends on it.
Your Voices