“Why haven’t I worked through all these issues? Why am I still not healed?”

Most of us who are survivors ask ourselves these questions many times. “I’ve been on this journey for five years. When does it end?”

They are the questions we ask on our worst days.

On our better days, we examine our lives and remember where we started. In those self-reflective times, we admit we’ve come a long way. A friend said to me, “In those depressing times when you tell yourself that you ought to be farther down the road, you’re probably more healthy than you know.”

Maybe he is correct, but it doesn’t stop us from asking the questions. “Why not? Why not?”

For myself, I can say this. I keep discovering the insidious consequences of my sexual abuse. It’s a good thing I didn’t recognize all the effects in the beginning, or they would most likely have overwhelmed and immobilized me. In my darkest moments, it seems as if the healing takes place one day at a time, or perhaps even slower—one small step a year.

I’ve jokingly said, “If I’d known in the beginning that this would be such a hard, painful journey, I probably wouldn’t have started.”

In my early days of grappling with the issue, I felt that way because the feelings were too intense and too brutal. But now I say, “I’m glad I struggled and fought. My healing journey has been worth re-experiencing the pain that comes with it. I’ve learned more about myself. I’ve not only accepted who I am, but I honestly like the person inside me.”

Here’s something I say to myself regularly, I am not quite healed; I am a healing-in-progress.

- Cecil Murphey

Cecil Murphey has written two books on sexual abuse. The first was When a Man You Love Was Abused and Not Quite Healed. He is the author or co-author of several best-selling books including 90 Minutes in Heaven, which was on The New York Times’ best-seller list for five years and Gifted Hands: the Ben Carson Story. www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org. 

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.