Heal the Healers Profile: Sarah Tofte

Sarah Tofte is a researcher on sexual violence for Human Rights Watch who wrote last year’s report exposing the rape kit backlog in Los Angeles and across the country.

“I want this to be a marathon for me, not a sprint. The things you encounter during the day—the pain or the frustration—can keep you awake at night, or they can drive you to work harder. You have to find comfort in the things you do accomplish, rather than dwell on the things you don’t, or can’t. And you have to give yourself a break. You have to remind yourself that you didn’t create the problem, and that you’re not responsible for solving it. But that can be hard to keep in your head.

Survivors I am in touch with are usually talking to me because they reported their rape and they wanted a response that they didn’t get. This shakes them, and they start questioning themselves. ‘Am I somehow at fault? What did I do wrong?’ It becomes really hard for them to understand or make any sense of. And the levels of despair that touch these people, it all bleeds over. Sometimes it feels like change just isn’t coming fast enough. So maybe I can help it come faster if I work 10, 12, or 16 hours a day. But that’s not reality.

In the beginning of my career, I’d feel so compelled to try to make everything better as fast as I could for these victims. But I’ve learned that, sometimes, just sitting with them, listening to their despair, allowing them to feel it and express it, without trying to fix it all right away, is very effective. So many of them just want to be heard.

I’ve seen a lot of colleagues burn out from the stresses of this job. So I try to make time in my life for family and friends. That’s very important. I have an 8-month-old son and I make it a point to be home for bedtime. It isn’t always easy, but I’ve made that a priority. And I think it helps to center me. See, I choose to do this work. And implicit in that choice is a commitment to be well myself. I want and need to be present for the victims who come to me for help. One thing I do—and maybe it is silly—but I keep some mini dark chocolates with me. In the Senate building, where I often am, there’s this beautiful picture window. And sometimes, after a particularly taxing day, I’ll just stop and look out that window and eat a little dark chocolate. It isn’t much, but it’s a moment of beauty, you know? It’s the sum of those small moments that add up to a sustainable life.”

"When... Joyful Heart got involved with the problem of untested rape kits in Los Angeles, they truly energized the effort to eliminate the rape kit backlog. Their collaborative spirit mobilized the Mayor, Police Chief, and City Council and helped save the rape kit testing program from being de-funded."