“The power to choose when and how one heals is just as important as finding a support system that works for YOU. Some choose faith and mental health support. We heal “In our own time, and at our own pace.”

- The 1in6 Family 

It was during my first year of college that my past abuse was brought to the light. During that process I saw a counselor regularly. My counselor was a very kind and gentle middle-aged woman who had also suffered sexual abuse as a child. However, in her life the painful events of her childhood were continually suppressed until one day, when she was 33 and had children of her own; she snapped. I don’t remember the details of what she shared with me, but I do remember her point in why she told me her story. You can only deny what happened for so long. If you don’t choose to deal with it, it will eventually choose to deal with you whether you like it or not and often at the worst possible time in life. She told me that it took several years of counseling to get through it, but during that time she was a wreck.  She said, “It almost ruined my marriage and irrevocably damaged my children. Their mother was a neurotic mess for several years." My counselor was a Christian and attributed her making it through those years to the loving kindness of God, as well as the willingness of her husband to love her through it.

Hearing her story was a great encouragement to me to choose to continue on and endure the pain I was going through. It was also an affirmation of what I felt the Lord had said to me as well, “Aaron, Son, you can choose to deal with this now and let all the pain and hurt out so that my love can fill that place inside of you, or you can shut the door and we will deal with it down the road.” I have never regretted opening that door.

I began two years of intense emotional warfare. By the loving kindness of God I have come out the other side healthier. I feel more whole, more complete as a person. I know that I now have more to give away because of what has been restored to me through dealing with the hurt and the shame. I am so thankful for that season of pain in my youth, at my time of choosing. I know that I have stripped those events in my life of any power they once had over me. I can give more of my heart and myself to my wife and one day to my children because I chose to deal with my painful past, rather than waiting for it to choose when to deal with me.

Although your past has been painful devastating or cruel God has promised to be a Restorer and a Redeemer. He says He will "give us gladness in proportion to our former misery” and “replace the evil years with good."

- By Aaron Kesseler 

Aaron  Kesseler was born in 1986, married the love of his life in 2010 and is currently working for his step-father’s commercial heating business in Seattle, WA. After high school he attended Northwest University in Kirkland for two years. Aaron has volunteered as a camp counselor for five years with the Muscular Dystrophy Association Summer Camp as well as three years with Royal Family Kids Camp, a summer camp for the most abused and neglected children in the area.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.