Most of us know this fact, although few of us make use of the information: Events in our childhood shaped our attitudes and our behavior. If we reflect on our lives, usually we can see that the past—both good and bad—affected our personalities and formed us into becoming who we are today.

In my life, molestation is the saddest aspect and one of the most life-shaping events. My responses to what happened at the hands of my perpetrators touch every relationship—even though I was rarely conscious of the effect.

For example, I’m a compulsive overachiever. I used to say that God gave me a lot of energy (true) and I work quickly (also true) and I’m highly self-disciplined (correct). A fourth truth, however, is that the little boy inside me was crying out, “I’m worthwhile! Look at what I’m doing! I’m showing you that I’m not useless!”

I’m an author and I’ve published 135 books. When that fact comes out, some people seem in awe and heap congratulations on me. For a long time, that’s what I wanted to hear;. But now, I no longer need the adulation. Instead, I say, “No normal person writes that many books. Unconscious, overpowering needs drove me because I was trying to feel good about myself.”

Because I’m learning to appreciate who I am, I’m happier. The significant individuals in my life love me. They appreciate me for being who I am and not for what I accomplish.

I still write rapidly and I continue to produce at least three books at year. I remain a high-energy person and self-disciplined. I no longer feel the relentless push to accomplish more. For the past two years, the activities haven’t changed, but the motivation has. Others may not be aware of the difference, but I know. They focus on what I accomplish; I concentrate on who I am.

Another way to say it is that these days my behavior comes from pleasurable self-discipline without needing to prove anything to others or to myself. What I do for a living satisfies and fulfills me. I enjoy my achievements instead of hurrying on to the next project.

Although my past shaped me, I didn’t have to make it a permanent condition. By accepting myself as I am, I’ve turned those negatives elements into positive qualities.

This morning, I was able to say aloud, “I like who I am, I like who I used to be, and I like who I’m becoming.”

Cecil Murphey has written two books sexual abuse. The first wasWhen a Man You Love Was Abused and his new book is Not Quite Healed. He is the author or co-author of several best-selling books including 90 Minutes in Heaven, which was on The New York Times’best-seller list for five years, and Gifted Hands: the Ben Carson Story. www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.