I don't know the answers to every problem—even though I may sound as if I do. I don’t understand why some of us gain insight and victory almost immediately over our abuse. For some, it takes years, and others never seem to rise above their pain. I don't know why some male survivors fall back in their old patterns and some never do.

I wish I could give perfect answers to every dilemma and shine a bright light on every dark path. But I don't always have enough light for my own path. Even when I know the answer for myself, I sometimes fail to live up to my convictions.I do know this, however: Most of us feel ashamed to admit we’ve failed, especially after we’ve determined not to repeat our wrong behavior. And that can refer to anything that impedes our progress.

Almost as bad is to fail and deny it. We're ashamed and try to hide the fact. Or we make excuses for ourselves by blaming circumstances or saying, "Yes, but if he hadn't..." "But I didn't mean..."

Such negative responses mean we by-pass a chance for healing.
 
Admitting each tiny step in the wrong direction can be one positive—one small but powerful—step toward full recovery.

- By Cecil Murphey

Cecil Murphey has written two books on sexual abuse. The first was When a Man You Love Was Abused and Not Quite Healed. He is the author or co-author of several best-selling books including 90 Minutes in Heaven, which was on The New York Times’ best-seller list for five years and Gifted Hands: the Ben Carson Story.www.menshatteringthesilence.blogspot.com

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6′s mission also includes serving family members, friends, and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.