And Helping Men Heal

Although I and  my colleagues Gary Foster from Living Well, in Australia and Rick Goodwin, from 1in6 Canada have together logged more than half a century working to help men heal from childhood sexual abuse, we traveled to Phnom Penh, Cambodia this past week, not to impart wisdom, but to learn from others. 

We gathered with more than 200 delegates, including over 50 overseas representatives from around the world, at the second South-South Institute on Sexual Violence against Men and Boys. Hosted by First Step Cambodia, the Institute has focused on the ongoing urgent need for changes in the way that Gender-Based-Violence is conceptualized, responded to and prevented by national and international humanitarian, development and human rights organizations, and on the contribution that research can make to this paradigm shift.

The conference organizers had asked me to do a workshop on the impact of sexual abuse on men, something I have done countless times. But stepping off the plane at Phnom Penh International Airport I was embraced, simultaneously, by hot, tropical air and the reality of the vast cultural differences that grace our planet. What could I possibly know or say about the experience of male survivors in Cambodia? Or Nepal? 

So I scrapped everything. Instead of "doing" a workshop, I facilitated a meeting of experts, practitioners and activists from 13 countries: 

• Afghanistan
• Cambodia
• Canada
• Japan
• Nepal
• Philippines
• New Zealand
• Norway
• Serbia
• Uganda
• United Kingdom
• United States
• Vietnam

We sat in a circle and for three hours we talked about two issues that confront male survivors all over the world—common issues—but issues that manifest themselves in vastly different ways. We talked about the profound stigma that men face, the shame that silences male survivors, that drives them into isolation. That stigma remains a powerful force in the United States, but in many parts of the world it is exponentially more powerful. So powerful, that disclosure can mean complete and utter ostracism.

We also talked about masculinity issues, about how so many male survivors perceive themselves to be "less than" because of the abuse they suffered; about how striving to prove themselves "real men," many survivors see any effort to get help as a sign of weakness. These themes were very familiar to everyone in the room, but the solutions—the way we confront these constricting stereotypes—will be very different.

Under the heading "Addressing the Long Shadow," the overall conference agenda included discussions about topics as diverse as the history of sexual violence under the Khmer Rouge, post-conflict patterns of sexual violence, and the importance of survivor voices being heard and seen through the medium of film. Other conference sponsors included The Refugee Law Project Uganda and MSSAT from New Zealand.

Many of those in attendance are the sole activists or represent the only service in their country supporting boys and men who have been subjected to sexual violence. They are all working to create change and to offer support at a local and global level.

Our “workshop”/discussion was just a small part of a remarkable five-day experience. But those three hours together ended in an act of profound hopefulness: we created our own listserv.

As of 12 noon Phnom Penh time, May 26, 2015, activists from 13 different countries and cultures have begun sharing ideas, perspectives and expertise in the service of a common goal: to confront the stigma and the stereotypes that prevent male survivors from getting the help and connection they need to heal their wounds.

- By David Lisak, Ph.D

Dr. David Lisak is a clinical psychologist who has devoted his professional life to studying the causes and consequences of interpersonal
violence. His research on non-stranger rapists, and on the long-term impact of childhood sexual abuse in adult men has been published in leading scientific journals and has helped guide rape prevention and response policies in major institutions, including the U.S. Armed Services and colleges and universities. For the past 25 years he has served as a forensic consultant, professional trainer, and public speaker across the United States, in Canada and overseas. He has served on the faculty of the National Judicial Education Project and the American Prosecutors Research Institute, and has served as a consultant to judicial, prosecutor and law enforcement education programs across the country. He is a founding member of 1in6, and currently serves as Board President on its Board of Directors. He is also a member of Joyful Heart's National Advisory Committee. 

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

1in6's mission also includes serving family members, friends and partners by providing information and support resources on the web and in the community.

Joyful Heart and 1in6 invite you to visit 1in6.org for info, options and hope, and to learn more about our partnership and Engaging Men initiative here.

The views expressed above are not necessarily those of the Joyful Heart Foundation or 1in6.