Reunion Online

Peace Over Violence is in the midst of holding our third annual Summer Youth Leadership Institute on Violence Prevention. Twenty-five youth are participating in a month-long training learning about the dynamics of relationship and sexual violence and about healthy relationships. These youth are prioritizing violence prevention and learning skills and tools to take with them as they become leaders in their own lives and in their communities.

I was telling a friend recently about my emotional reaction the first time I heard the Joyful Heart Foundation’s PSA that talks about about engaging men to "end violence against all people, men women and children."

As I reread my first three blog entries and recall in my mind the pain and the trial of that season of my life I do not feel shame over it. I used to, but not anymore. I believe that shame is one of the most destructive forces on this planet, if not the most destructive. Shame causes us to live in fear of others knowing. This fear causes us to hide and to hide we must become masters of control.

How come, those of us in the trauma recovery field don’t talk much about sex?

I was doing some research the other day, trying to find some data on sexual issues that survivors face. I looked through some big volumes, I looked through some research articles. I looked in resources for survivors, I looked in books for clinicians.

This is what I concluded: this biz doesn’t like to talk about sex.

'We didn't know,' the civilians said when asked about the gas chambers after World War II. 'We didn't know,' neighbors say when they learn that the man across the street had molested a boy. 'We didn't know,' parents say when their adult children talk about their past sexual abuse. When I began to deal with my abuse, I told my three older sisters. They said the same thing.

The prosecution and conviction of those who commit sexual offences can only ever be one part of our response to sexual abuse: recognizing that very, very few cases ever appear in court. If anything, the focus on the criminal justice system distracts us from putting resources and energy into developing more effective services and systems to offer support and enhance the well being of the person who has been sexually abused.

The trial of Jerry Sandusky focused the country’s attention on the sexual abuse of boys. It also showcased the tremendous courage of the young men who came forward who testified in court and in so doing, spoke powerfully to their own truths, and also to the larger truth of the sexual victimization of male children.

As Father’s Day was this past Sunday, we at 1in6 would like to celebrate the fathers and father figures around the country who are survivors of childhood sexual abuse, especially those who embody the values of strength, character and courage in their daily lives.

STRENGTH

We celebrate fathers, step-dads and all father-figures who work hard, promote respect and harmony in their families and who demonstrate great love for their children.

With all of the work I had done, with all of the time spent in therapy and the wisdom it had provided, with all that I had accomplished, with the book I had written about my recovery progress, how could this case leave me feeling so alone and afraid?

As we're getting ready to celebrate all the fathers, grandfathers, father-figures, uncles, brothers and partners in our lives this Father's Day, we wanted to take a moment and recognize the men who are fearlessly joining the movement to end violence and abuse. The parents and caregivers who are, every day, doing their part to instill love and respect for one another in their children's hearts. The brothers, sons and partners who rise up to intervene, to prevent and to say no more to violence. The advocates and survivors who let others—men and women alike—know that they are not alone on their healing journeys, that there are resources and support and that sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse are issues that affect all of us.