Reunion Online

“You did so much for me.” Monty ran up to me, embraced me and thanked me.

Randy Ellison discusses the moment he is able to “Open the Doors” to healthy possibilities and positive rewards. So many survivors have learned to protect themselves by keeping people and experiences at bay. Here, Randy shares the moment where finds the balance between a coping mechanism and letting in the great things life has to offer.

I don’t know how he got my telephone number and he never told me his name. As soon as I identified myself, he blurted: “Why should a man tell anyone about his abuse?”

Most of us who are survivors ask ourselves these questions many times. “I’ve been on this journey for five years. When does it end?”

I am currently 27 years old; I’ve been married for 3 years and have been in steady career for 5 years. It has been almost a decade since my childhood abuses came to the light and were thoroughly dealt with.

I spoke recently with a group of college men whose fraternity had been sanctioned for sexually offensive attitudes and behavior. Our discussion was part of a mandated remedy. Not surprisingly, mandated conversations often don’t lead immediately to open dialogue.

Efforts to educate men about sexual violence generally cast them in one of two roles: bystanders, either preventing or supporting sexually aggressive behavior, speech or attitudes; or as perpetrators of violence.

Cecil discusses how for some survivors, the emergence of memories may not always lead to the acceptance of one’s own abuse. But, sometimes the acknowledgement of the past is a path to a healthy future. Trigger Warning: The following blog may contain sensitive imagery.

Dear 1in6 Thursday Blog Readers,

The Joyful Heart Foundation and 1in6 graciously provided me with a venue this past year in which I was able to share my voice on behalf of the voiceless – the male survivors of childhood sexual abuse whose voices are silenced with threats of violence, the survivors whose screams are muted by the “man box” and the victims who are too afraid to speak. As one of this blog’s voices, I want to leave you in my final blog post with a message of both hope and challenge.

When we think upon the abuse we suffered as children we are often consumed by feelings of pain and how they may continue to negatively affect us even into our present. It may be years before we consider, let alone care why our abuser may have done this to us. What made him/her the way that they are?

This is probably the most complicated and least understood aspect of child sex abuse. 90 percent of all perpetrators are known to the victims, with 30 – 40 percent coming from the victim’s immediate family and only 10 percent strangers. The other 50 – 60 percent of perpetrators include older kids, babysitters, teachers, ministers, coaches and leaders in youth-serving programs. So to state the obvious, in most cases victims usually know their offenders and are related in some way before the abuse starts.