Reunion Online

"I don’t want to just survive…I want to live."

I’m one of those people whose desk has countless stacks of things I want to get to tomorrow, next week….or someday. There are also all the little objects that I need to put away or file. I guess it represents just how messy life can be and that we always have undone things in life.As I began to clear away the rubble, it got me thinking about life, healing and purpose.

Occasionally a survivor of sexual assault says, "It happened only one time," as if that made the offense and agony less important. To that, I answer, "It's not whether molestation happened one time or fifty times, you were still molested."

Two weeks ago, eight men whose portraits and biographies appear on the Bristlecone website lent their portraits and statements to the gallery of survivors on the web site of the NO MORE campaign. These men, and their brothers at Bristlecone, have chosen to sit in front of a camera and to look directly into the camera’s lens.

I try to be grateful for the blessings in my life everyday but this time of year in the thanks and giving season it is our collective opportunity. And this year for the first time in many years, Thanksgiving Day and the first night of Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights, fall on the same day—an opportunity to appreciate and be grateful for what lets the light in.

Do you know a man struggling with relationships, work, school, depression, substance abuse? Are you going to see him over the upcoming holidays?

Or perhaps you are that man and will be visiting loved ones next week over Thanksgiving or Chanukah.

Lots of things can inspire a man to want to improve his life.  Disappointment over a failed relationship, a job or career setback, remorse about an act of violence or even the unexpected hollowness of a long-sought success can all prompt self examination. 

As we heal, those markings disappear. They're replaced by our inner peace, self-assurance and the knowledge that we're no longer "just survivors." We are overcoming the pain of our childhood. And most of all, we finally like ourselves.

As survivors, many things often show up at holidays that can trigger us. So here is the simple message I want to share. Be careful and take care of yourself. Try to keep an ally—a friend or partner—who understands and will support you close at all times.

Although a few children are able to ask for help while young, some of us (and perhaps that word should be many) aren't ready until we're hitting our middle years. I was one of those.

Resilience is a remarkable characteristic we humans possess.