Reunion Online

Occasionally a survivor of sexual assault says, "It happened only one time," as if that made the offense and agony less important. To that, I answer, "It's not whether molestation happened one time or fifty times, you were still molested."

Two weeks ago, eight men whose portraits and biographies appear on the Bristlecone website lent their portraits and statements to the gallery of survivors on the web site of the NO MORE campaign. These men, and their brothers at Bristlecone, have chosen to sit in front of a camera and to look directly into the camera’s lens.

I try to be grateful for the blessings in my life everyday but this time of year in the thanks and giving season it is our collective opportunity. And this year for the first time in many years, Thanksgiving Day and the first night of Hanukkah, the Festival of Lights, fall on the same day—an opportunity to appreciate and be grateful for what lets the light in.

Do you know a man struggling with relationships, work, school, depression, substance abuse? Are you going to see him over the upcoming holidays?

Or perhaps you are that man and will be visiting loved ones next week over Thanksgiving or Chanukah.

Lots of things can inspire a man to want to improve his life.  Disappointment over a failed relationship, a job or career setback, remorse about an act of violence or even the unexpected hollowness of a long-sought success can all prompt self examination. 

1,400 views in 3 days. I don’t think that, that number—despite the embarrassing number of times I have refreshed my Vimeo page—has sunk in yet.

As we heal, those markings disappear. They're replaced by our inner peace, self-assurance and the knowledge that we're no longer "just survivors." We are overcoming the pain of our childhood. And most of all, we finally like ourselves.

We're proud to share the new www.ENDTHEBACKLOG.org, our website dedicated to shining a light on and ending the rape kit backlog—hundreds of thousands of rape kits collected in the aftermath of a sexual assault, sitting untested in police and crime lab storage facilities.

As survivors, many things often show up at holidays that can trigger us. So here is the simple message I want to share. Be careful and take care of yourself. Try to keep an ally—a friend or partner—who understands and will support you close at all times.

Although a few children are able to ask for help while young, some of us (and perhaps that word should be many) aren't ready until we're hitting our middle years. I was one of those.