Reunion Online

I’m one of those people whose desk has countless stacks of things I want to get to tomorrow, next week….or someday. There are also all the little objects that I need to put away or file. I guess it represents just how messy life can be and that we always have undone things in life.As I began to clear away the rubble, it got me thinking about life, healing and purpose.

“There is nothing to be scared of because the worst part already happened,” says Miss World 1998, Linor Abargil, in the new documentary Brave Miss World. Abargil is referencing the life-altering event that happened a mere six weeks before she was crowned.

Occasionally a survivor of sexual assault says, "It happened only one time," as if that made the offense and agony less important. To that, I answer, "It's not whether molestation happened one time or fifty times, you were still molested."

As we heal, those markings disappear. They're replaced by our inner peace, self-assurance and the knowledge that we're no longer "just survivors." We are overcoming the pain of our childhood. And most of all, we finally like ourselves.

As survivors, many things often show up at holidays that can trigger us. So here is the simple message I want to share. Be careful and take care of yourself. Try to keep an ally—a friend or partner—who understands and will support you close at all times.

It’s only been recently that I’ve realized that I run for several reasons. I run to get out the emotions that had been trapped inside for so long. I run to exhaust myself so that I can sleep at night without the nightmares. Mostly I run to feel strong, to feel in control. When I’m running, no one can get to me; I am fearless.

Although a few children are able to ask for help while young, some of us (and perhaps that word should be many) aren't ready until we're hitting our middle years. I was one of those.

I don't know the answers to every problem—even though I may sound as if I do.

There are 19 million men in this country who, in some form, have had similar experiences. You are not alone, and those who will help and support your healing journey are many. We are here to bear witness to your pain and celebrate your recovery.

With the start of the school year, I’m reminded of my surprise when my time in graduate school stirred so many unconscious reactions to my childhood sexual abuse. Recognizing what was happening eventually allowed me to manage those feelings. And it actually reinforced some valuable lessons about healing.