Reunion Online

As we're getting ready to celebrate all the fathers, grandfathers, father-figures, uncles, brothers and partners in our lives this Father's Day, we wanted to take a moment and recognize the men who are fearlessly joining the movement to end violence and abuse. The parents and caregivers who are, every day, doing their part to instill love and respect for one another in their children's hearts. The brothers, sons and partners who rise up to intervene, to prevent and to say no more to violence. The advocates and survivors who let others—men and women alike—know that they are not alone on their healing journeys, that there are resources and support and that sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse are issues that affect all of us.

The Sandusky sexual abuse trial is about to begin and the saga will unfold on the Internet, mainstream news and in the tabloids. Many stories will be told, exposed and exploited even with the restrictions on photography, texting, video and more imposed by the court. The witnesses will be put to credibility and reliability tests, memories will be challenged and the accused will sit in the courtroom confronted by his victim/accusers.

The following post is the second in a mini-series by Aaron Kesseler about his journey through healing as a survivor of child sexual abuse.. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.

The commencement speaker at my niece’s graduation this past weekend startled some in the audience when he noted that having to overcome adversity is a normal part of a achieving a fulfilling life.

 I often find myself in awe, but somehow not totally surprised, that turning towards the issues sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse is often so hopeful, so joyful. Maybe you sometimes find yourself thinking the same. It's often inexplicable, or at the very least, difficult to put into words as to why this is. And it can certainly be a strange thing to feel—and to write at this very moment—but it's true. And last Wednesday evening was no exception.

In conversation with my friend Beth, I mentioned that even though I knew the molestation in childhood wasn't my fault, I still felt shame and guilt over my abuse as if I had failed in some way. "I keep thinking that only if I—"

"You shouldn't feel that way," Beth said.

Before I could respond, she listed my achievements (as if I didn't know them) and told me how much she admired me for the way I had dealt with my painful childhood.

"But still—"

"You don't deserve to feel that way."

One day last summer I was working in my front garden--part of my notion of having vegetable garden domination on my little plot of earth. I was tending the rows of tomatoes, basil, beets and kale, when an older woman, dressed in black, stopped and started to chastise me about my weeding technique.

I didn’t really understand her, as her English was not so good and my Italian is -- ahem -- non-existent. Still, she showed me, good naturedly, the proper technique of tilling the earth.

As some of you may know, Joyful Heart is part of an exciting and transformative initiative called NO MORE, a movement to unite all of us around one universal symbol and the simple message that together we can end domestic violence and sexual assault.

Just over a month ago the question of how a friend or family member can best support a man who had been sexually abused was the subject of a post by Peter Pollard.  This started to get me thinking.

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. Each year, during this time, survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their friends and family, and victim advocates from across the nation mark the occasion by speaking out about childhood sexual abuse and participating in candlelight vigils, walk-a-thons or fundraising drives. The issue of child sexual abuse, however, is one that needs to be confronted beyond this month.